Online dating – a definite like/hate relationship for me. It remains a confusing detour on this path to finding my One and Only. As I’ve dedicated myself to finding True Love – what does it say to that objective if I use artificial means? On the one hand, I favor it: I’m a straight, over 50 woman living and working in San Francisco. Draw your own conclusions as to the available dating pool.
I don’t attend church and I still believe that a lady should not go into bars unescorted. As if it wasn’t shudder inducing enough to picture myself as that slightly desperate looking older woman/cougar sitting at the bar. Sexy blonde confidant enough to sip her martini and engage in polite and amusing banter – Yes. Trying to get picked up while slightly tipsy – No. Unless you’re George Clooney in which case I’ll be on the third bar stool from the left.
On the other hand … well, rather than get into the horror stories (of which I am sure there are dedicated blogs) let me just say that I’ve resigned from the latest – again. The funny thing though is that, as soon as I posted my resignation note, I received two or three really good emails from interesting guys who liked what I posted, shared their feelings about how they’ve been through similar experiences, and proceeded to ask me out. Huh? Maybe I should have tried this in the first place. Go figure.
In any case, here is the note I wrote and the reasons for my resigning:
First of all I’d like to say thank you to those who took the time to write me a note or send a wink – it was always appreciated even though I did not respond to all of you. That’s unaccountably rude in so many ways, but one of the benefits/pitfalls of online dating.
I want to thank OKC, I think of all my attempts at participating in online dating, this has been one of the better sites. So while I’m essentially writing a resignation note, I encourage you to keep going with whatever works for you – it is a great way to meet people and you just never know.
But for me, I’ve been troubled by a few personal compromises that I am uncomfortable with. Plus I may be a bit too sensitive/romantic for this (building expectations/hope is my responsibility – I know. But I still don’t like rejection – who does?).
Point 1 – I lied about my age. By 4 years. I’m 51. I look just like my pictures (maybe even better these days) so I don’t feel I’m totally misrepresenting – but it’s still a falsehood. I know myself to be a bright, attractive, youthful woman … but like many of you I fall victim to the random roadblock of round numbers.
If you met me in person (and would most likely have flirted with me), you wouldn’t have expected what is probably your internal assessment/judgement of a 50+ year old. But online you will put in an age range that excludes me because you still think that 50+ is someone’s mom, even if you’re the same age. Heck – I do that myself.
But I don’t like the lying – I used to pride myself on that point (I started out with my correct age) – but I kept getting emails from Grampas … and not sexy Grampas either. I actually want someone who is full of life and sexy and fun and I’m not that much into kids (but hey – kudos to you great and loving dads). Hence my disappointment in myself and part of my decision to resign.
Point 2 – I’m a healthy, curvy, toned (thrice weekly workout sessions) stylish woman. I’m not skinny. I’m not trying to justify myself – I own a mirror. I’m not some weird acronym to try to describe beautiful woman who don’t fit into size 2 jeans. I’m just exactly who I am. To some I’m quite beautiful, to others I’m [insert your own denigrating word that you use here].
Whatever – it’s stupid to try to ignore the fact that we ALL have certain criteria (and the much vaunted “chemistry”) that pretty much sets our attraction to another within ….ohh….say about 2.4 seconds from seeing them (or trolling through the details/photos online). I try not to judge you because the truth is I’m doing the same right back atcha. No stones in this glass house.
However, I’d rather have someone see me first, across a crowded room, and think “wow – now that’s the lady for me”. That works for me. Better than opening the door to some yahoo who thinks he’s god’s gift and therefore is pretty sure that online dating is going to bring him to a supermodel. But hey – good luck to you.
Ick – now I feel all cynical and whiny (not an attractive combo) and I suspect that this is becoming an all too common refrain – which is further indication that I need to just stop and get out into the sunshine.
My message will stay up for a short period of time (unless OKC deletes/blocks me) because I wanted to share my thoughts. But please consider this my resignation letter.
Cheers and thanks.