Here’s the thing. Every time* two someones get together and decide to have a relationship, there’s inevitably a conversation that includes the phrase “Don’t try to change me”. Typically, it’s held that the speaker is a man, and the recipient is a woman.**
When I am faced with this seemingly immortal phrase, one of the first immediate (and initially private) thoughts that flashes through my mind is; “Are you friggin’ kidding me?”
Because here’s the other thing; I *hope* I change. I hope I change every single day. And I hope I keep changing forever. That’s how we get words like Growth, and Journey, and Experience. Lessons learned. Pathways walked. Trial by error. Call it what you will. Usually I call it Dating.
Not only is change a part of the human experience, it is a necessity, the very way that we polish our rough edges, that we find out who we are in the vast societal serengeti.
I am changed when I bump into someone on a sidewalk, when I stop to give directions to strangers, when I spend time with my Grandmother, when my husband looks at me a certain way.
When I am changed, I know that I am not alone.
So why all the ugly connotations, accusations and recriminations? What exactly are you afraid of? That the person you met, that you are spending time and energy with, that you love, that you make love with, that you co-habitate with, that you marry – that somehow this combination and chemistry and entwining and interweaving is going to touch you? Change you? Damn right it will!
If you are lucky. If you have found a trustworthy partner and co-explorer. If you are self-assured enough to move forwards. If you are not afraid. If you are not so weak-willed that someone else can and will destroy your essence through their words and actions – let alone love and commitment.
I say that if you are not enthusiastically and willingly embracing change as the hallmark of your destiny, then either you are stuck in the past or you have misunderstood the meaning of “live in the moment”.
And if you still refuse to accept that you and life is in a constant flux of change, well….you can always…not change. Good luck with that.
*I like to use absolutes in my storytelling and thought process. Yeah, I know it’s not everytime or everybody etc. etc. blah blah blah
**I write from my thoughts and experience as a woman who mostly interacts intimately with men, so yeah, it skews as heterosexual. Feel free to apply pronouns as you wish.