Love in the Time of Chaos

In this space, I’ve been sharing my thoughts on Love and True Love and What I Want (versus need) in a Man.  This has led to an increase in conversations with other ladies (and sometimes a gentleman or two), but the conversation has actually been going on for some time now and the theme remains relatively the same.  What is it that we are creating, in this day and age, that more accurately reflects the more … hmmm…enlightened state of relationships?  It seems that *everyone* is confused, and a lot of people who don’t really deserve to be alone, are.  Yet, more than ever people seem to be pursuing some expression of  spirituality, personal growth journies, refined styles of communication, visualization, Law of Attraction, openness to alternate lifestyles, etc. [Caveat – obviously I am reflecting on the West Coast/San Francisco/Bay Area personality that I am exposed to – little of what I say may apply to the good folk of the bible belt for instance].

Well, here is my contribution to the conversation (wait …if I’m posting, is it a conversation or a monologue?  Oh well…) and yes, it is derived from my devotion to the spirit of True Love.  But hey, these are my Notes and this has been my chosen theme, so welcome to my world.  I’m an unabashed sentimentalist.

It seems to me that we, as individuals – setting aside gender roles, sexual preferences, and various social revolutions – are becoming stronger in our self sufficiency, our ability to make due on our own, our life managment, our finances, our core belief systems, our general independence, our ability to receive the pleasures of partners without the pressure or need for “official” commitment.  So why then do we need(?) want(?) committed relationships with that one special person?

Well, why not for the intangibles – the stuff that has been ofttimes labeled as  idealistic?  I mean it – why not?  We’ve got much of everything else – why not return to the romantics?  The things we can’t really get for ourselves.  The spirituality  & passion of Love, that which differs from what we get from friends, family & pets (or self ).  Or the sense of Partnership that allows us to feel connected to another person, to feel wanted in a way that satisfies something mysterious in us, to be committed to the ideals and goals that a shared life can create.  Or the Support that comes from that one intimate person, that one who knows us in ways we can’t see for ourselves, and with their wisdom and guidance, help us to see new paths, maybe even help us like ourselves better because of their reflection.   And the tangibles too:   Good sex (calm down, I know that there are delightful ways to get off solo – but nothing compares to sex with someone you love).  Someone to lean on when you are hurting or tired.  Someone to talk to or to listen to rather than escape into various distractions.  The sense and sound of someone breathing next to you, a presence in your space.

So yes, ultimately, we are stronger and being alone is okay, if not preferable in some ways.  We’re moving in that direction, but it’s not easy and, well… I think we’re sort of fence sitting on whether we embrace it or not.    Personally, the only reason I’d want to be with someone at this point is because they are extraordinary.  Extra Ordinary.  Ordinary I can do on my own.  I feel that it *used* to be about combined finances, tax breaks, wanting children, held over beliefs from previous generations, acceptance by society, rigours of religions, etc.  Well, some of those may still apply – those are personal … but for me, I want it to be something…well, something that enhances my life in ways I can’t do myself.

Enhancement – yes.  Detraction, abuse, mislaid trust, lack of communication, someone who makes me feel lesser, or causes me to denigrate myself in order to accomodate them, someone who does not or cannot make me feel that I am loved first and foremost, even when I’m flailing or failing …this is not acceptable as a prolonged or consistent flavor.   I’m willing to make concessions and I need them too, but within reason. There are challenges in life and in the damage/baggage/scars we all bear.  But that’s what Love is for.  Love and Unity.  And Respect.   It is our job, our responsibility, to make the choice.  If we can do that as individuals, then we can only strengthen the purpose of partnership.

In closing,  I confess to feeling some hesitancy in my stance – I question whether it all means I’ve set up certain expectations that aren’t fair for anyone to be able to fulfill.  But if I can pay my own bills and take out my own garbage, and generally enjoy my own company, why not shoot for the moon?

[Original Post: Tuesday, December 7, 2010 at 2:10pm]

One thought on “Love in the Time of Chaos

  1. I hope you find your extra ordinary man. You deserve him.


    I awoke abruptly last night With a feeling of severe fright It wasn't that I was scared It was that I wasn't paired

    A bed is a lonely place for one soul When support is needed, not a pillow The need for her is great The need is for my soulmate

    She is the only one who cares She will help me pay all the fares She will protect me from the bears In the forest of fantastic fears

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