Why hadn’t I noticed that before? Love is the very beginning of the word. EVOLution means change. Therefore Love intends change.
“Don’t try to change me” is the battle-cry of the martyred partner. The irrefutable position in many a Love battle. This phrase is all but iconic, having gained so much power that it’ll derail the best arguments into a sort of weak flapping that changing you wasn’t the intention at all. ..blah blah blah.
It reinforces the underlying message that change is not a good thing. I doubt that Charles Darwin ever fell back on these words in an argument with Mrs. Darwin.
So let’s get something straight – Change does not mean giving up your soul, it does not mean losing your very essence, it does not mean denying your personality.
Change can simply be making different (hopefully better) choices.
Change is an act of will – no one can truly *make* you do what you do not decide for yourself.
Change can be a commitment – a system of honoring, and isn’t that what defines a relationship?
Perhaps the next time someone pulls this old rabbit of the hat, just tilt your head, give them a slightly puzzled look, and ask them if they are stating a refusal to evolve…
Unless you’re with a Neanderthal – then you’re on your own.