Musings on Love

Love – the most abused and underused word in our language. Abused as it is used to describe everything from a pair of shoes to being used by someone who just doesn’t know what to do next, so out of boredom or confusion or panic or lack of groundedness or fear of confrontation or just sheer laziness, they say I Love You (which frankly is to me the basis of most marriages and why so many fail).

Underused because there’s this weird social rule/game playing we’ve bought into that stalls us from using the word as beautifully and simply as it is meant to be used. Instead we try to figure out what the other person is thinking/doing, or waiting for a sign, or giving the power away because we’re so afraid and damaged and gunshy. Or if we say it, even with the sweetest and best of intentions, then those same filters causes it to be viewed as pressure or a demand or a call for action or for the other person to somehow take on the responsibility (which they resent) because now we’ve put it out there.

What makes me an “expert” on Love? Well, I’m not – I’m just figuring it out along the way, but I can think of worse ideals to dedicate myself to. LOL. However, I think every single one of us knows what it means and what it feels like or how we dream of it feeling. And only you, me, we can say what that feeling is. And that makes us all experts. Otherwise, it’s just talk. Or something we’ve absorbed and play at and have consciously chosen to call Love for convenience. The same way that, if you had never been to a funeral in your life, you somehow know you’re supposed to wear black and cry. Who taught you that?

So, please, take my thoughts with a grain of salt, because I’ll probably never be able to adequately describe what it feels like. It’s pretty personal. And it has to have some aspect of magic, which is hard to describe too. Heck, I have to question myself whether or not I even know. Certainly I’ve felt love, I can love someone at the drop of a hat. 🙂 But – by my unique definition (always a work in progress by the way) – I’m not sure I’ve been In True Love.

What is True Love to me? Well, first there’s a *something* that goes off inside when you first see that person. Yeah, the whole myth of love at first sight? I buy into it. Something goes bing or bong or wheee and if you’ve felt it, you know what I mean. It’s a sense of calm and a total lack of fear. After that – well, I believe in ease and respect and communication and passion and fun and trust and friendship and great sex and romance and giving space to each other and continuing to grow as individuals only to bring that back to enhance the partnership. Because when it is True Love, it really should be easy. It isn’t when there’s only one person in it. 🙂

[Original Post: Tuesday, June 15, 2010 at 11:58am]

One thought on “Musings on Love

  1. Sometimes I think I've been in a 'True Love' relationship, but honestly… it's probably more likely that it's been my DESIRE to be in a True Love relationship that has made it feel that way to me. I'm still hoping too!

    Here's a poem I wrote many years ago, when I was allowing my frustrations about this issue to surface:


    Making love
    Sharing love
    Enjoying love
    Lusting love
    Loosing love
    Fuck love
    Sad love
    True love
    Lost love

    Always wanting pure love

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