When they say “out of the blue”, they must mean heaven. Because I have met a man out of the blue. OK, so in actuality we met through online dating … but that was only a ridiculous tool that the Universe employed. In truth, I think we have been walking towards each other for a very long time.
But this blog is about Love … and I am IN IT!! However, it’s been a long and bumpy journey. One that I have observed closely, but also along for the ride have been my friends, co-workers, neighbors, and family. It’s not just about the support and advice and tough love and joyful delight that they share when I’m going through this … being that close to someone really impacts everyone involved. So they very much do “go through it” with me – sympathetically & empathetically.
I trust and love and need them so much. But I’m a particular personality (that’s putting it mildly by the way … trust me) and I sometimes feel that … because I *feel* so deeply, I can’t always explain my process …. and in the lack of that, I sometimes feel my feelings are a burden. OK – the now official subtitle for this blog entry is “Feeeeeelingggssss .. Whoa Whoa Whoa”
So, here’s a cut-and-paste of an email exchange:
Friend: You’re one of those people who feel things so much more strongly than many of us, which can be a blessing or a curse. So glad you’ve found your joy again!
Me: Thank you so much for your thoughts … in fact, you’ve inspired me for my next blog entry (as if I didn’t have enough thoughts swirling around). In short, I don’t think there is any “wrong” feeling or “wrong” love. Yes, I imagine a few of my friends rolling their eyes about my falling in love *again*.
The truth is, I *do* fall in love easily. Love is love. And then sometimes later on you find out that things are different, because life is constant, and people are inconstant and so it goes.
But I’ve never thought I was *mistaken* in being in love. As far as N. goes, I think that all the love I’ve felt for others and the gifts and lessons I learned from each has been a step leading me towards him. I hope that my friends will understand when I say “this one is different”. But like everything else, we’ll just have to wait and see.
I like that part of me that is Feel First, think/act later. She’s adventurous and brave and a touch foolhardy. I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because the other choices feel like fear.
So, if necessary, my friends can roll their eyes (because I know it’s loving if not protective) and I’ll continue to roll the dice.