Well … you almost got me … again. I was feeling so sad and sour, depressed and fragile, ready to just give up. Give up the exercises, give up the hair appointments, give up the clothes, the diets, the Trying. The constant worrying about what I did to deserve this, what could I have done differently, how will I do it better next time? It is a constant battle against the trolls that line up at my gates – and some of those trolls I’ve dated. Ha Ha.
So, of course, this is not news to anyone – we all go through it – it’s a swim. Sometimes I dive deeper and try to hold my breath, sometimes I float, sometimes I make it to shore for awhile. And often, when I’m able to catch my breath, I realize just how close I get to just letting the water stay over my head. So what do I do to come back to the foolish, hopeful, painful, ohsosweetly dramatic and ridiculously sentimental search for True & Love?
I take the Cinderella Pill. Today I did so literally. No nonono – not the Disney version. The 1964 film of the Rodgers & Hammerstein’s play. Walter Pidgeon and the eternally graceful Ginger Rogers as the King and Queen. Some guy for the Prince. The debut of Lesley Ann Warren as Cinderella. And the most amazing StepMother and StepSisters. Celeste Holm as the Fairy Godmother. And hardly any pink or glitter anywhere.
The set is cartoonish, the songs are delightful, the costumes are princess perfect, and the dancing is right off a 60’s evening variety show. But I love it – and so I sat on my couch and watched the show. The words are sweet and funny and somehow all rang true. The hope for love and prince charming and happily ever after is hereby reaffirmed. For awhile.
Meantime I wonder just how much of where I am today was shaped by the fairy tales I read and watched when I was a child. Just what is it that we all bring forward from our childhood? Where and when do we make those turnings at the crossroads? How could I have been created as such a romantic and yet not have the opportunity to live it?
I feel like the Salieri of Love. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086879/quotes?qt=qt0469822